Exhale

There will be a day
When I rise above the clouds,
When my head breaks
The sky, and savage clouds
Gray and white, will enfold me,
As I am lifted by wind, and
I am roar, and breeze, and
Sun-dawning glory, and I
Will rise like the sun, breaking
The plane of horizon,
Obliterating
Down.

And I will see Him. Face

To face. God. Looking me
Dead in my face, God.
So big he shatters my
Language. So pure and raw
As to obliterate all
Classification, and my mouth
Will be sealed.

And it will be terrifying.
The fire and the radiance.

And it will be the moment,
I was made for. I was made
For this. I was made for something
Someone, so high, so high,
I can’t, so high, so holy, I fail,
So holy, eternal, my mouth is
Broken. Words are kindling.

Words like “Infinite”
“Omnipotent.”
“Everlasting.”

Only placeholders.
Like gumwrappers upon which
We try to scrawl the sunrise.
Scraps of paper in a cyclone.
Toothpicks trying to prop up
Mountains with tiny necks.

Today it all comes crashing down.

Because, on that day, I will see.
For the first time. First hand.

And I will be
Obliterated, preconceived notions
Obliterated, filthy hands, obliterated,
Doubt, obliterated, lies, obliterated,
Smallness, obliterated, time,
Obliterated, my mother and father
Obliterated, glass darkly obliterated,
By face to face,

And I will see
The One whom
We are for.

And all my excuses, and reasons,
Will die before they can even
Reach my lips. Obliterated.
Only one word, one name,
Will survive the journey.

Christ in me, the hope of glory.
God in man, radiantly waiting
For flesh to be burned away.

A hidden treasure and deflector
Of the holy wrath to come.
The Son, who makes me into
A son.

And I will see God.
The ferocious One,
Within whose palm
I am the merest speck of dust, I will
Stand before His face, His majesty threatening
To thrash every molecule apart from every molecule.

Moorings, obliterated
Bones, obliterated.

And He has actually looked into,
And meditated upon
My heart.

Apathy, obliterated.
Insignificance obliterated.
Trying so hard to be someone,
Obliterated.

Author of the sun, and hearts,
And air and words and love.
Holding my face, looking dead
Into my eyes.

Confusion, obliterated.

Unbelonging
Obliterated. Wandering,
Obliterated. Homelessness,
Obliterated. Tears, so many tears,
Wiped away.

For He is God,
But He is also Father.
And Home.

And I will go home
And see my Father
Face to scintillating face.

And perfect love will once and for all
Snap the neck of fear.

And I will
Exhale.